Thoughts on Depression

I have had these thoughts running around in my head and thought I would share them. Before I even start I will admit to being a sufferer of depression and anxiety disorders so I suppose I am not the most unbiased person on this subject :) However, I believe my points are still valid. I have struggled with how bad I feel inside for as long as I can remember, and that really is not an exaggeration or at least not much of one. Once I accepted Christ and became a Christian that should have been the end of the struggle, right? WRONG! Oh I kept wanting that to be the case, I expected it to all go away at any minute while at the same time feeling as if it never would. For years I sat in church and heard the condemnation, whether it was really there or not, of Christians with "long faces" more times than I can count! The more I heard it the more afraid I was to admit something was wrong with me. I am sure that on plenty of occasions I ACTED as if something was wrong even if I never spoke the words. That was my pitiful cry for help I guess.

I did everything I ever heard a Christian should do when depressed, I prayed and read my bible and rebuked the devil - still no relief. I didn't know why it didn't work so it got to where I spent years questioning whether my conversion was real! After all, I was being told Christians have no reason to be depressed and yet I was, so therefore I must not really be a Christian. Somewhere deep down I knew that wasn't true but I was so afraid. There were nights I was afraid to go to sleep because I knew I would wake up in hell. I even set my alarm clock to wake me up every few hours some nights just to be sure I was still alive. I still could not bring myself to ask for help because of the fear of what people would say or think. It took me until I almost had no choice but to seek help because it was either that or suicide. I know of other Christians who chose suicide rather than risk judgment or condemnation, real or imagined. Now if that is not a prime example of what they mean by Christians being the only group who kill their wounded I don't know what is. The truth is depression can be a legitimate illness in a lot of cases and one that needs treated. We cannot lump every case of it together under the umbrella of demon oppression/possession. Discernment needs to be used in each case. Regardless though, what we hide can never heal.

Is my point in all this to condemn the church? Not at all! My fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are precious to me and none of us are perfect. I guess I just want to make those few who will actually read this aware that there are some ideas within the church that it may be time to re-examine so that we don't cause further hurt to those already wounded who sit around us in church week after week. Let the church be a place of healing and safety.

The Weekend is here!

I always look forward to weekends. I don't know why, but even though I am long done with school I still like them! :) Today was a quiet day. My face is a little sore from my teeth cleaning yesterday, but other than that all is well. Tomorrow my niece and nephew will be over and we are taking them to breakfast at Bob Evans to see the Easter Bunny. I love spending time with those kids! I love them to pieces.

WOW!

I guess I am not very good at keeping up with this thing! LOL! Sorry about that. I started this to chronicle my weight loss with Weight Watchers but that ended ages ago! Don't ask me why. I never did like writing down every thing and stuff like that. My doctor and I are looking into weight loss surgery. Here's hoping!